Relationships

What are you thinking?
By Sam O’Neal, Marriage Partnership
Jess and I were sitting in bed when she first asked, “What are you thinking?” It seemed like a simple request for information, so I gave a simple answer. “Nothing.”
We repeated this dialogue over the next month. Always the same unassuming inquiry: “What are you thinking?” Almost always the same cheerful response: “Nothing.”
Imagine my surprise when Jess sat me down one night and–holding back tears–asked, “Are you attracted to someone else?”
I was stunned, then angry at what I considered to be an accusation. “What? No! Why would you ask that?”
“Because you never talk to me any more. You’re always staring into space, thinking of something other than me.” After a short pause, she accused: “Of someone other than me!”
We had ourselves a long night (not in the good way).
The next day, we made up, but we treated only the symptoms of our fight. We didn’t get to the root issues: her fear about my thought life, and my ignorance of the chance to reassure her.
The breakthrough came one Sunday afternoon while I was watching football and Jess and her friend Joy were making jewelry. As they talked, Joy mentioned a book she was reading.
“It’s called Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti,” she said, “and it explains the differences in how men and women think.”
According to the book, men are like waffles because they process information into separate boxes. Women, on the other hand, receive information and connect it with other areas in their lives–like spaghetti. The whole thing was only vaguely interesting until Joy said, “And the weird thing is, guys even have a compartment in their brains for ‘nothing.’”
“Really?” Jess asked, frowning. “Guys can sit and think about nothing?”
“Yep,” Joy answered. “My husband says he does it all the time.”
Later that night, I explained that I really did think about nothing sometimes.
Jess told me how uneasy it made her feel when “nothing” was my only answer. She felt as though I had to be covering up something.
So we set up an experiment. For one minute, Jess vocalized every thought that passed through her mind. I was shocked. She talked the entire minute and covered 10 separate subjects! No wonder she had trouble believing “nothing” was an honest summary of my thoughts.
Then it was my turn. “Work went well today,” I said after 15 seconds had passed. “I finished an important project.” More silence stretched out. “I’d like to go back to La Estancia for our date this week.”
When the minute was up, it was Jess’s turn to be shocked. But when I affirmed that those were the only reflections that had drifted through my mind, she believed me. More important, she understood that my past claims to be thinking about nothing were genuine, not feeble attempts to cover up.
Today, Jess still asks “the question,” and sometimes my answer is “nothing.” But now I think harder before responding. To my amazement, I remember something I meant to talk with her about, and a conversation blossoms.

For Husbands!

A quiz for you.

take this short quiz to rate how stable your marriage is at this moment to pinpoint your weak & strong points.

1. Do you make your wife feel good about herself? (Yes___ No___)
2. Do you value the same things in your wife that you value in yourself? (Yes___ No___)
3. Does your face spontaneously break into a smile when you see your wife? (Yes___ No___)
4. When you leave the house, does your wife have a sense of well-being, having been nourished by your company? (Yes___ No___)
5. Can you & your wife tell each other honestly what you really want instead of using manipulation or games? (Yes___ No___)
6. Can your wife get angry at you without your thinking less of her? (Yes___ No___)
7. Can you accept your wife as she is instead of having several plans to redo her? (Yes___ No___)
8. Is your behavior consistent with your words? (Yes___ No___)
9. Do your actions show you really care for your wife? (Yes___ No___)
10. Can you feel comfortable with your wife when she’s wearing old clothes? (Yes___ No___)
11. Do you enjoy introducing your wife to your friends or acquaintances? (Yes___ No___)
12. Are you able to share with your wife your moments of weakness, failure, disappointments? (Yes___ No___)
13. Would your wife say you are a good listener? (Yes___ No___)
14. Do you trust your wife to solve her own problems? (Yes___ No___)
15. Do you admit to your wife you have problems & need her comfort? (Yes___ No___)
16. Do you encourage your wife to develop her full potential as a woman? (Yes___ No___)
17. Are you able to learn from your wife & value what she says? (Yes___ No___)
18. If your wife were to die tomorrow, would you be very happy you had the chance to meet her & to marry her? (Yes___ No___)
19. Do you believe you know at least five of your wife’s major needs & how to meet those needs in a skillful way? (Yes___ No___)
20. Do you know what your wife needs when she’s under stress or when she’s discouraged? (Yes___ No___)
21. When you offend your wife, do you usually admit you were wrong & seek her forgiveness? (Yes___ No___)
22. Would your wife say you praise her at least once a day? (Yes___ No___)
23. Would your wife say you are open to her correction? (Yes___ No___)
24. Would your wife say you are a protector, that you know what her limitations are as a woman? (Yes___ No___)
25. Would your wife say you usually consider her feelings & ideas whenever making a decision that affects the family or her? (Yes___ No___)
26. Would your wife say you enjoy being with her & sharing many of life’s experiences with her? (Yes___ No___)
27. Would your wife say you are a good example of what you would like her to be? (Yes___ No___)
28. Would you say you create interest in her when you share things you consider important? (Yes___ No___)

If you answered “yes” to 10 or less questions, then your relationship is in major need of overhaul.
If you answered “yes” to 11-19 of the questions, your relationship needs improvement.
If you answered “yes” to 20 or more, then you’re probably on your way to a good, lasting relationship.

Yes, Let’s!

Has your husband ever suggested what he thought was an exciting idea, & you responded, “Yes, but….”? It may have been a simple request like, “Let’s go bike riding after dinner,” but you instinctively countered, “Yes, but…” In doing so, you drenched or drowned his idea with your cold water. It doesn’t matter what his idea was or what your excuse was; it had the same dreadful effect of challenging his leadership. He couldn’t lead you, & inwardly he resented that fact–& you.
You might not realise how many times you buck your husband on every subject. In fact, he may have clammed up years ago because of this very thing. The next time he makes a suggestion, respond if at all possible  with an enthusiastic “Yes, let’s!” You may have to pick him up off the floor, but the rewards for this can’t be beat.

Playing around …

Play just may be the glue that holds a good marriage together.

Dr. Betcher became interested because the best marriages he’d observed seemed to contain a strong element of playfulness. After studying 30 couples in the 22-to-34 age group & interviewing many more, he firmly believes that play helps to stabilise a relationship by providing a balance between too much intimacy, which can be threatening, & too much distance, which can be alienating. Play allows you to dance in & out, to change a mood swiftly & effortlessly.

Play allows you to reveal a hidden self, to express an ambivalent self, to try on a new self & to regress to an earlier self–all without losing face.

Couples often find that by playfully exaggerating behaviour that’s annoying, they can accomplish change faster than through direct confrontation–& with far less pain. “Humour is a way of softening things,” says Betcher. “It works in reverse too. Things that are revealed as sensitive, vulnerable points in the other person during a fight–things that are difficult to talk about–can later be played with by teasing & exaggeration. It is the recurring play around an issue that makes it easier to tolerate.” In other words, in this case, playing is a kind of desensitising process–a lowering of the threshold of anger or defensiveness or hurt. Playing says, “The issue is not that important–relax!”
Play can also:
–get rid of tension by providing a way of dealing with touchy areas;
–communicate potentially painful things in a painless way;
–& when all else fails, get a couple back together after an argument.
If you question the value of play, just consider the alternative: Arguments, negotiations, recriminations, pregnant silences, hurt feelings, & still, in the end, an ineradicable difference of opinion.
One of the nice things about playing, besides all the good it does for you, is the fact that it isn’t something you have to learn.

If you believe in the importance of play, you’ll find time for it. Several of Betcher’s couples told him that playing together was what they would miss most were their marriages to come to an end, & that playfulness had set the tone in the family of being able to be free with each other & to have fun.
The family that plays together stays together? It could be.

Wonders of Love

When a man and woman are successfully in love, their whole activity is energized and victorious. They walk better, their digestion improves, they think more clearly, their secret worries drop away, the world is fresh and interesting, and they can do more than they dreamed that they could do.-Walter Lippmann

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Turning pages …

It takes a while to get the kinks ironed out in a relationship. Marriage is one of the most humbling things, because the other person knows the real you—they see your ups and your downs, they see your blow-its, and yet they love you just the same. That’s what you need to remember when you get frustrated at each other: Remember all the times that you’ve been a stinker, or you haven’t been too pleasant to be around, and yet your mate puts up with you and loves you just the same. That ought to make you love your mate even more, because they put up with you. A relationship is never going to attain perfection. It’s never going to be without hiccups along the way. But a successful marriage is between those who know how to handle these things, learn to communicate, and most of all learn to forget the past, to forget those past incidents, those past times when maybe you were a little hurt. Just turn the page every day on your relationship, and start with a brand new, clean sheet of paper.

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Love, Sweet Love!

Romance is about the little things. It’s much more about the small gestures-the little ways of making daily life with your lover a bit more special-than it is about extravagant, expensive gestures.
-Gregory J. P. Godek
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We should measure affection, not like youngsters by the ardor of its passion, but by its strength and constancy.
-Marcus Tullius Cicero, Roman statesman, orator, writer (106-43 B.C.)
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We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness. The understanding that although you are no bargain, you love and you are loved. Anyway.
-Ellen Goodman

A braid appears to contain only two strands of hair. But herein lies the mystery: What looks like two strands requires a third. The third strand, though not immediately evident, keeps the strand tightly woven. In a Christian marriage, God’s presence, like the third strand in a braid, holds husband and wife together.
-Cathern Paxton

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Romance rivisited

“Sometimes I ‘write’ a love message on my husband’s breakfast toast. Using cookie cutters, especially my Valentine’s Day set of hearts, I press one lightly into a slice of bread, just hard enough to imprint it, then I toast it. It never fails to bring a smile to his face.”
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“Every now and then I leave a card saying how much I love and appreciate him under his pillow for him to find before he goes to sleep.”
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“My wife sometimes has to travel for work, and when she gets home, I give her a small simple gift for every day she has been gone. I’ll set them on the kitchen table and wait for her to notice them–things like a sample of a new perfume, fresh flowers, or a cool piece of handmade jewelry.”
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“I place special little love notes, cartoons, jokes, or small articles–sometimes racy ones–in her underwear drawer. She never knows what to expect next. She gets a big kick out of them and knows it is my way of saying I love her.”
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“When I take a shower at night, I write messages on the fogged-up mirrors so they appear when he takes a shower in the morning.”
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“I changed the banner on his cell phone to read ‘I Love You’ when he wasn’t looking!”
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“Every time we kiss, we do it three times, which stands for ‘I love you.’ When my husband pulls out of the driveway in the morning, I stand at the door while he turns on the emergency light on his truck, also three times for ‘I love you.’”
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“In a crowded party, I like to give him a loving smile from across the room.”
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“We sometimes toast to each other over breakfast or dinner to say ‘I love you.’”
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Wayne Sotile, The Bottom Line
As family and work responsibilities become more complicated and stressful, most people find themselves juggling multiple tasks and roles. Unfortunately, the same skills that help us succeed at this juggling act can also cause damage to our personal relationships.
Example: Habitually focusing on several things at once may make you a more efficient manager. But doing so will make it difficult for you really to listen to your spouse.
Not only can this “supercoping” hurt our loved ones’ feelings, it also weakens the best resource we have for bouncing back from stress–our caring connections with others.
Busy couples, however, can strengthen their relationships while coping with life’s other demands by using some of the following tips:
Recognize the power of small changes. When you’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to get into the “wait until… ” mentality. You put off dealing with crucial issues–and delay enjoying your life–until you’ve reached a goal or eliminated a particular stressor. Examples: “I’ll spend quiet time with my spouse as soon as … this big project is over … or I’m less preoccupied.”
People with stress-resilient marriages nourish the relationships while they are waiting for those other things to happen.
Recommended: Moments of positive connection. Think of at least a dozen ways to say or show you care–each taking just a few minutes or less: A hug … giving a greeting card … looking up to say hello when your spouse walks in the door … making coffee for him/her in the morning … leaving a loving phone message.
Commit to spending 10 minutes a day on these loving actions–taken 20 seconds at a time throughout the day. These simple gestures will create an ongoing atmosphere of nurturing that is much more powerful than any “big” gesture you have to wait indefinitely to make.
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I.M. De HEAD

A silly story relates that in Heaven all the men were separated from their wives & were asked to fall into line behind one of two signs. The sign on the left read “THE HENPECKED.” The sign on the right said “THE HEAD.” It was an incredible sight. Every husband fell into line behind “THE HENPECKED” sign–everyone, that is, except one little man. This one man, out of all husbands ever, was standing conspicuously alone behind the sign that said “THE HEAD.”

A reporter covering the event rushed over to interview this unique man. He said, “Sir, this is unbelievable! Here you are, out of all these men, the only one standing in the line designated for husbands who have been the heads of their homes. How is it that you were able to walk into this line as the only head ever on Earth?” The man said, “Well, I don’t know. My wife just told me to stand here!”
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IDENTIFYING STRENGTHS & NEEDS

Part 1–Appreciation: Identify the strengths in your relationship. Find a comfortable place to sit facing each other. First one partner says to the other, “What I appreciate in you is…”, naming three or four things. When the first partner says he or she is finished, then the other partner does the same with the first partner listening without comment. Then the couple discuss how they feel about what they’ve just done. Write on a card all the things you can remember which your partner said he appreciated in you. Look at each other’s lists & see how well you have listened to each other.

Part 2–Needs: Identify the areas in your relationship where there is room for growth. Follow the same steps as in appreciation, except each partner will complete the sentence, “What I need from you is…” One partner says it, mentioning as many things as he feels comfortable. The other person says it. Discuss how you feel. Write on a card all the things you remember of the needs he or she expressed. Share your lists with each other.

Part 3–Change: Decide how you’ll meet more of your partner’s needs.Decide on one shared need which seems important & something you might be able to do to make your partner feel more fulfilled. Having selected a goal, plan how & when you will take action to meet it. Describe the change you intend to make in terms of your own behaviour. Write it down so that you may check back later when you’ve actually made the change.

Part 4–Action–Implementing the Change: Be intentional about doing what you’ve agreed to do. At the end of the week repeat Step 1 above & ask yourselves, “Are we making progress in achieving our goal?” Note: It is important that this exercise be demonstrated by a couple who have used it & found it helpful in their own relationship. Also, if there are any breaks in the exercise so that it has to be completed at a later date, Step 1 should be repeated before carrying on to step 2, 3 & 4.

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Investing yourself.

(Zig Ziglar)

The citizens in the little village of Ida in Holland were astonished when Hans Bergen died because he left an estate of $40,000 to a young girl named Anne Martin. She was the most surprised villager of all, for she had never spoken to Hans Bergen. How could such a thing happen to her?
Well, Hans Bergen’s will told the story.

It seems that one day Anne Martin smiled at him. It was the only smile he had ever received in his lifetime. Grotesquely ugly, Hans had lived a lonely, affection-starved life. His ugliness frightened the villagers and they avoided him like the plague. Perhaps Anne Martin saw the extreme loneliness in Hans and gave him the only thing she could–a smile. It’s amazing how much we can do for others when we invest a little of ourselves in them. That builds winning relationships because people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care–about them.

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Be a secret admirer
By Michael Webb, TheRomantic.com
Most of us have had a secret admirer at some time in our lives. It was a great ego booster to know someone had a crush on you. While it shouldn’t be any secret that you love your spouse, it would be an ego booster for her to know that you still have a “crush” on him or her.
Remember those love notes passed around in class, sometimes sent anonymously? Why not pen a secret admirer note to your sweetheart? As long as it is in your handwriting, it won’t really be a secret, of course. Mail the note to them at work or place it somewhere in the house or car where they are certain to find it.

If you are able to arrange it, have the note direct your sweetheart to meet their “secret admirer” at a particular location and time for a rendezvous. It could be for lunch, a cocktail, a romantic weekend at a nearby hotel, a stroll through the park, or some other meeting place. Keep the crush alive!

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Here is a collection of fun, simple ideas to spice up your time with your loved ones. Of course, you can come up with your own, or mix some up, or tell us of your out-of-the-box ways to make your family times more quality and more fun!                                              

JUST FOR FUN….
Simple Summer Soul Snacks
By Susie Michelle Cortright, Web reprint
* Just before dawn, take a moonlit hike. Then sit back at your destination and watch the sunrise from a new place.
* Make strawberry shortcake with real whipped cream.
* Go fishing.
* Escape with your spouse (or friend) and go boating on a lake or river.
* Take the kids horseback riding.
* Take a historic walking tour of your town or city. Learn about your city’s heritage.
* Take the kids to the zoo.
* Hike through a nearby wildlife area or park.
* Sit back in a lawn chair with fresh iced tea.
* Take the kids on a bike ride.
* Visit your local farmers market.
* Bring a rocking chair onto the front porch and rock.
* Float down a river.
* Run through the sprinkler with your kids.
* Sit outside and paint your toenails.
* Eat raspberries.
* Host an outdoor tea party with your daughter and her friends.
* Find a petting zoo.
* Fly a kite.
* Head to the beach.
* Blow bubbles.
* Go inline skating.
* Dine al fresco. Set a table on the deck, front porch, or in the middle of your backyard. Outdoor dining doesn’t have to mean paper plates. Use the dishes, light a few candles, and enjoy a glass of wine. Don’t forget the centerpiece of fresh-picked flowers.
* Take the kids out for an ice cream cone. Take a walk while you enjoy this warm weather treat.
* Make sun tea.
* Enjoy the feminine flair of a sundress, sandals, and a straw hat.
* Sit on a park bench.
* Take off your shoes and run through freshly mown grass with the kids.
* Refrigerate a bottle of body spray, or make your own by adding a few drops of your favorite essential oil to a spritzer of water. Spray the cool mist on your face, the back of your neck, and the soles of your feet.
* Pack a picnic and go to the prettiest place you can think of.
* Visit a botanical garden.
* Treat yourself to a homemade fruit smoothie. Blend yogurt with your favorite fruits. Serve in an elegant wine glass or goblet.
* Take your camera along on a walk. Be on the lookout for peaceful moments you can capture with a photo.
* Round up the kids this evening, and head outside to watch the sunset. Focus on all of your senses. What do you see? How does the evening air feel against your skin?
* Curl up with your favorite pet for 10 minutes. If your dog loves fetch, head outside to throw a few Frisbees.
* Nap on a porch swing.
* Sit outside in your yard and practice some deep breathing exercises. Consciously relax each part of your body.
* Try not to think about what’s going to happen Monday, or this afternoon, or even five minutes from now. Instead, turn your attention to the details of your life … the way the sun feels on your face, the way your scalp feels when your hair blows in the wind, the way your children talk, the joy of spending time with your family.
* Appreciate nature. Whether you focus on the stars above, a distant mountain range, or the cottonwood tree in your backyard, try to notice the details.
* Sip an iced coffee or tea.
* Try putting scented powder on your sheets … so smooth to slip into!

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Women and sex…

(from the book by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn).

The five revelations about women we uncovered will improve this area of your life together.
1. Physiologically, women generally have a lower sex drive than men. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy it or love it once it’s happening. She just doesn’t have it on her mind as much as you do.
2. Warm-up time is more important for her than for you. A guy’s sexual motor is pretty much always running. Pop the clutch and go. Not so for a woman. But once her sexual motor is warmed up and running, she is fine and raring to go. Women just need warm-up time to anticipate what’s coming.
3. Women are not sexually aroused just by seeing a man’s body. Your naked body doesn’t make her interested until after you’re getting sexually intimate.
4. Sex begins in your woman’s heart. How you’ve been treating her makes all the difference in how interested she is in sex.
5. Your wife wants to experience orgasm just like you do, but if it’s hard for her to get there, she may lose interest. Sometimes the struggle to reach sexual satisfaction is frustrating for women, and they hesitate to talk about it for fear of disappointing their husbands.
So what do we do with these revelations about the inner workings of our women? Here are some practical ideas for applying what we now know.
1. Make her happy outside the bedroom. Give her the attention she deserves, and do the little things that draw you closer.
2. Pursue her. Her longing to be pursued romantically is as strong as your sex drive.
3. Give her warm-up time. Drop hints, send an e-mail, tell her how beautiful she looks.
4. Give her affection just to love her, not just to get sex.
5. Be a help around the house. Sharing the work prepares her heart for wanting you.
6. Remember not to take a “not now, dear” as personal failure. Learn from it. Figure out why and do something about it.
7. Be Mr. Clean. Basic hygiene often makes the difference between her wanting to be intimate with you or not.
8. Make it clear that you care about whether your wife makes it across the finish line.

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Valentine’s day: thoughts, tips and ideas from you!

Robert Frost wrote that “earth’s the right place for love.” What I have seen as an English teacher is that the human heart is, indeed, the right place for love. On February 14th we celebrate the human need to love and be loved.

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There were three famous Catholic priests named Saint Valentine. The one described here seems to be the one for which the holiday for sweethearts and lovers, February 14th, is named.
Valentine (?-270) was a holy priest in Rome, who, with Saint Marius and his family, assisted young men in danger of being martyred in the persecution under Claudius II. Apparently Claudius thought that married soldiers weren’t as good as single soldiers, as the reason Saint Valentine was killed was that he continued to marry young couples even though Claudius the Cruel forbade it. He was apprehended, and sent by the emperor to the prefect of Rome, who, on finding all his efforts to make him renounce his faith ineffectual, commanded him to be beaten with clubs before being beheaded. Saint Valentine was executed on February 14. (© 1997 Catholic Online)

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Love is not blind. Love is the only thing that sees.-Frank Crane

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The Greek language has various words for love. One of them is agape, meaning love without expecting anything in return. This is not selfish or self-serving love-it is selfless and unconditional. But is it possible? How can we not feel slighted when we don’t receive the treatment we want or feel we deserve in return for some good deed? How can we not “keep score,” or not desire recompense or at least a response? God can love like that, and He can give us love like that for others.

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(From the book “The Best Dad is a Good Lover!)

I’d like to tell you what my husband did on Valentine’s Day this year. He often does some nice little thing. One day he was in a grocery store & he saw a box of raisins. He knows I’m crazy about raisins, so he bought them. Then when he got home, he taped a little message on the box & left it on the kitchen shelf where I would be sure to find it. Wasn’t that nice?
On Valentine’s Day he asked me & our three little girls to sit on the patio & wait. Then he & our two sons slipped into the kitchen & he had the boys present me with a half dozen roses. But that isn’t all, when they were through with their speech, my husband presented each of the girls with two roses & made a little speech to them. It was a touching & tender moment I will never forget, & I’m sure the girls will never forget it either.

Not your style? OK! But even if it isn’t, you might want to try it sometime. This dad not only knows how to turn women on, he’s done another good thing–boys have a way of picking up on these little extras. Some day down the road, they may be better husbands from watching their dad do his thing.

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Do you have any thought, tip, idea you would like to share to make Valentine’s day yet more special?

If you do, you’re welcome to post it here!

Happy Valentine today, and for the rest of the year!

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Things women say they want from a man 

1. I love it when you notice all sorts of small things about me and make comments on those things.
2. I think men are most attractive when they are confident and tender at the same time.
3. The most wonderful feeling is when you make me feel like I am the most beautiful and most wonderful woman in the world.
4. I love it when you come up behind me and put your arms around my waist. It just makes me feel loved and protected at the same time.
5. In the best marriages the one thing that I’ve noticed is that they always listen to each other … really listen.
6. There’s nothing I love more than falling asleep in your arms, waking up in the morning and cuddling.
7. I love it when you leave a rose or a note just to let me know you’re thinking about me.
8. I enjoy sex most when both of us are emotionally involved with each other, and there is lots of foreplay.
9. When I feel as if you’re making an effort to truly understand me (which means listening deeply and carefully), there’s not much more that I can ask for.
10. I love it when you are brave enough to confront me with your true feelings.
11. I love you so much because every time I have a gripe about the relationship, you always do your best to fix it.
12. A perfect romantic moment is curling up with you, saying nothing, and being comfortable in the silence.
13. I want you to remember the things I told you that were important to me, including keeping promises.
14. I love it when you tell me you love me when I least expect it.
15. When you are romantic it is really a sign of strength–it shows that you’re willing to stick your neck out, be vulnerable, and take a risk, no matter what happens. I don’t think of romance as sappy–really, it’s kind of macho, brave and fearless!
16. I love it when you can be open and honest. No game playing.
17. Just a small gesture, like holding my hand, or touching my hair. This lets me know you’re glad to be there with me!
18. One thing I love about you is when you hug me really tight. It shows how much you really care for me without using any words.
19. I love it when you’re confident enough to just be yourself.
20. I love it when you wear silk boxers and a T-shirt and we just lay around and do nothing together.
21. The best advice about relationships that I was ever given was: After marriage is when the courting should start.
22. The perfect end to a day is being home together.
23. I love it when you are as thoughtful out of the bedroom as in it.
24. We flirt with each other and work to keep the romance alive.
25. In the best marriages the one thing that I’ve noticed is that they always smile at each other across the room.
26. Make sure I know how you feel; make it obvious.
27. I enjoy sex most when it happens out of the blue, like lying there talking and then before you know it, we are looking into each other’s eyes and–whammo–it’s just great.
28. I love it when you touch my face softly while kissing.
29. Every woman loves romance, honesty and flowers.
30. I feel special when you call just to find out if I’m all right.
31. I love it when you take a long look at me and smile just enough that I know you’re pleased with what you see.
32. In the best marriages the one thing that I’ve noticed is that they always tell other people how great their spouse is when their spouse is not around. It demonstrates true respect and gives me hope!
33. Your gentle eyes–the mirror to a man’s soul.
34. I love it when you kiss me for no reason.
35. I love it when we’re having a tickle war and you stop, look in my eyes, and then kiss me passionately!
36. Kindhearted and caring; lovable and smart; honest and trustworthy; funny and laid back; understanding and respectful.
37. Being sincere and genuine–and affectionate.
38. I love it when you wear enticing cologne.
39. A sense of humor is something women find very attractive.
40. I go for guys who are honest, caring, very sweet. I even like to be teased a little (so I can tease you back).
41. I love it when you gently touch my face, like if you’re not careful, it might break.
42. I love it when you give me your jacket when it’s a bit chilly out.
43. Having faith, hope and love is really attractive. Romantically, those things are incredibly important.
44. Can converse with both children and adults.
45. I love it when you greet me with a big warm hug.
46. In the best marriages the one thing I’ve noticed is that they always have a language of their own.
47. You are attractive but act like you don’t know it.
48. I love it when you touch me when we’re out together–either sitting side-by-side, or even across from each other.
49. Doesn’t complain about the things he can’t change and is always looking for the silver lining.
50. I love it when you smile just as I walk into the room no matter how I look.
51. What I need from you is honesty, respect, good listening skills, and as much laughter as possible. Noticing and appreciating the hard work that I do helps too.
52. Little things mean the most: back rubs, flowers for no reason, cards left where we can find them, drawing hot baths.
53. I love it when you ask about what’s going on in my life.
54. Women look for faithfulness and love. I know that in a relationship I look for someone who can be my best friend, my lover and my knight in shining armor.
55. In the best marriages the one thing that I’ve noticed is that they always seem to be the best of friends, talk problems out, communicate, and continue to be romantic and intimate.
56. I love it when you look at me like I am the perfect woman for you. Eyes of pure adoration.
57. Can cook and will take care of me when I am sick.
58. My fiancé keeps our romance alive by surprising me sometimes with little gifts (nothing major, maybe a single rose or something), just so that I know he’s thinking about me.
59. I love it when you write me love notes and leave them on the bathroom mirror. Or when you write me a poem about how I make you feel. I love to see the romantic side of you!
60. Look into my eyes when you talk. Remember to ask about my thoughts, feelings, etc. Really listen to me! Make me feel like I’m the most important thing in the world to you.
61. I don’t always need flowers; just tell me I’m sexy or that you missed me, for no other reason than you mean it.
62. Call me during the day just to say hello. Tell me you miss me and you’re thinking about me.
63. Surprise me once in a while, and bring me breakfast in bed instead of nudging me and telling me you’re hungry!
64. Hold hands in public; open the car door for me; treat me like we’re on our first date.
65. Touching does NOT mean I want sex constantly; it means I care about you and want to know you care about me.
66. Slow dance with me in the living room–be spontaneous.
67. Just listening, truly listening to me without your eyes glazing over and thinking about last night’s hockey game.
68. Share your deepest thoughts, feelings, and fears with me. Women love intimacy.
69. Candles, candles, candles! Do I need to say more? [Editor: Be careful where you place them. Make sure your passion is the only thing that's blazing!]
70. Hugs for no reason, and when you tell me you love me in front of others.
71. It’s the little things that demonstrate love. A kiss on the cheek and a thank-you after supper, then cleaning up without being asked.
72. Sitting through one of my chick flicks and cuddling, without complaining.
73. The number one thing that I treasure is when you understand that I am a woman and that there are things innate to my behavior that cannot be changed (easily, or at all). Please appreciate those qualities, and I promise to understand and appreciate all of your male characteristics (i.e., “guy things”).
74. Cuddle after sex.
75. In a perfect relationship, saying “I love you” would be backed up by showing it. Either/or doesn’t seem to do it for us ladies. We need both.
76. Pure affection. NOTHING can replace that! You know what else is cool? Showing affection in public–not being ashamed to let others know you want me.
77. Dress up for me. It’s easy to let things go after awhile together. Try and look good just for me.
78. Honesty, trust, loyalty, commitment all help to build a healthy relationship. Without them, our relationship will break apart. We have to learn to love what’s inside one another. That’s what counts!
79. Don’t take me for granted. Pay attention to me.
80. Be special to me by wanting to be my friend. Do what friends do for each other. Respect who I am and be there for me.
81. Care about all the wacky women I can be at times.
82. Cook me a romantic dinner. Don’t forget to set the appropriate mood–music, candles…. I want you to listen, understand, and love me. The rest follows when you do that!
83. Respect my opinion even if you don’t necessarily agree. Don’t humor me. I can sense when you sincerely value my opinion.
84. Touch me often in passing throughout the day. It shows you notice me and that my presence affects you. Don’t just wait till the end of the day or until we’re in the bedroom.
85. Surprise me … with little gifts, special outings, a cooked meal, or a love note. Anything that’s unexpected means so much to women. Men usually have to work at creating surprises, though, because they often don’t think of doing these things. Remind yourself to surprise me every so often.
86. Take a walk with me in the moonlight. Sometimes the simplest things can be the most romantic.

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The need for love and affection
Cosmopolitan/New York Times News Service
“Studies show that attachment and feelings of closeness are essential to survival,” says Steve Dubovsky, professor of psychiatry and medicine at the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center. “When we have love in our lives, we get sick less frequently. We recover more quickly from illness. In other words, we need affection to be healthy human beings. It’s really a basic need, like water and food.”
Intimacy–the ability to form such close caring attachments–provides a buffer against the stress in our lives and is one of the key components to staying healthy.
When people are in loving relationships, they’re more motivated to make healthy changes in their diet and exercise programs, to drink less alcohol, stop smoking.
University of Chicago researcher Dr. Linda Waite said she has found that marriage brings considerable benefits to both women and men. It lengthens life and substantially boosts physical and emotional health. “Marriage,” Dr. Waite said, “is good for everyone.”

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HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE?
Instructions: The husband answers first & covers his answer. Then, the wife answers. Next, uncover the husband’s answer. Compare the answers & discuss them.

What is your        Wife’s   Husband’s
wife’s favourite:     Answer    Answer
1. Food?
2. Drink?
3. Place to eat?
4. Dress?
5. Type of video?
6. Singer?
7. Movie personality?
8. Shoes?                                
9. Room in the house?
10. Chair?
11. Book?
12. Magazine?
13. Sport?
14. Hobby?
15. Song?
16. Composer?
17. Flower?
18. Colour?
19. Animal?
20. Car?
21. Friend?
22. Brand of makeup?
23. Fruit or dessert/Treat?
24. Toothpaste?
25. Kind of vacation?
26. Way to spend
evening?
28. Perfume?

Affairs of the heart.

How can we ensure that we make right decisions, in such life-changing matters as engaging in a relationship?         Affairs of the heart are part of a mysterious and complex  world!                                                                                                             It takes time, courage, initiative, faith, determination and more to be a successful partner, and it’s doable!

Of course, it’s not only a matter of finding the right person…. most of all, it’s being the right person!                                   Can we become that person?

Healthy and happy relationships don’t just happen, but we can find ways to help them grow, flourish and become  just as wonderful as you want them to be!

Date your mate

How do we keep a relationship from getting weary and monotone?

As in so many things in life, we ‘ll only gain through investment! What we put into a realationship, it’s what will make it blossom.

In a marriage, it’s crucial to be able to get away from the children, from the work, to connect with each other.   Taking time out to just breathe, relax and focus on one another, will give us a fresh perspective on the challenges we face daily.  It will bond us together, it will make us more attuned to our children’s needs, and to the way we perceive things in general.

And, we can make it special, fun, and creative! It’s easier to keep the flames of love stoked up, than to rebuild a fire from scratch.

Here is a little collection of ideas gathered together, from different articles.

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Take a walk on the beach at twilight; picnic optional.

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Visit your local public gardens in the spring when everything is blooming.

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Walk through the center of your town during the Christmas season and enjoy the store displays and the lights.

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Pick an outdoor activity, such as rollerblading, cycling, or jogging, that you can enjoy together.

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Enjoy live music at a local festival or town square.

Picnic by a pond.  Be sure to bring bread for the ducks.

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Browse a bookstore or library together.

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Cook dinner together. Include candles and a nice tablecloth.

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Go swimming together late at night.

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Play a board game together. Share stories of your most embarrassing moments.

Watch the sunset together and share a glass of wine.

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Soak your feet in bath salts. Towel dry, and take turns giving each other foot massages with some fragrant massage oil.

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Rent a classic, love-story movie, make some pop-corn, and watcht the movie while cuddling.

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List your spouse’s best qualities in alphabetical order.  Exchange lists.