Being attractive

attractive and mature?

(from the book “The Love Test”, by Harold Bessell)

I’ve found that love is a combination of two separate but equally important parts: Romantic love, or “chemistry,” & emotional maturity. These two elements together make for the lasting true love of which we all dream. Yet when these two separate elements are combined in improper or unequal portions, they make for unhappy love affairs, miserable marriages, & divorce statistics.
Romantic attraction is an invisible force, like magnetism, gravity & electricity. You can’t see it, you can’t touch it, you can’t smell it, but you recognise it by its effects. Romantic attraction cannot be created, because it’s an invisible force, relating to each individual’s ability to be attracted to another specific individual. It is not necessarily reciprocated; there are no rules or reasons that explain its existence. I may be attracted to Mary. Mary may or may not be attracted to me. Romantic attraction is either there or not there. And if it’s real, it will last forever. We do not know how to create romantic attraction nor do we know how to remove it.
Emotional maturity, on the other hand, is a very different aspect of true love. Maturity can always be improved & enriched. Luckily for all of us, we may begin in a relationship as immature individuals & can improve that relationship by gaining maturity.

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Clearing the confusion about your body
From Confidence by Alan Loy McGinnis

When you stand naked in front of a mirror, do you have a hard time agreeing with the Bible when it says, “you are beautifully and wonderfully made?” Do you live with a certain level of dissatisfaction with your body?
Studies show that there is little connection between how attractive people are and how attractive they feel they are, and too often people tend to exaggerate their flaws.
What you can do:
Keep your flaws in perspective. Refuse to get obsessed with your flaws (your fat thighs, or pointy nose). The trick is to change your body or to accept it as it is. For example, you can’t do anything about your height, so put the matter out of your mind. But if exercise will help a weight problem, start right away.
Avoid needless comparisons. We are constantly comparing ourselves with those being admired or criticized. Some people compare themselves with sleek, slim super models and feel miserable, while others might be overweight and compare themselves with someone even heavier to make them feel better. Neither case is healthy. The truth is that our bodies have worth and are made by God, and were made to be used wisely. Whether they look impressive or not is much less important than what we do with them.
Cultivate your senses. The imperfections with which you were born are inconsequential compared to the good things your body can do for you. Pay attention to the constant sensations that come to you through your senses: the feeling of the sun on your face, the rich smells of a winter day, or the bright sights and sounds that surround you each moment.
Use your body to give love. Touching, from a warm embrace to sexual intercourse, is about communication–showing that you value the other person. Hugs among friends are always welcome.
Keep your body finely tuned. Good eating habits and regular exercise go a long way toward raising self-confidence and maintaining a positive outlook on life.

How to Impress a Woman: 

Compliment her,

cuddle her,

kiss her,

caress her,

love her,

stroke her,

tease her,

comfort her,

protect her,

hug her,

hold her,

wine and dine her,

give her presents,

listen to her,

care for her,

stand by her,

support her,

go to the ends of the Earth for her…

How to Impress a Man:

Show up naked, bring beer…

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The Test of Time.

If your relationship is basically as good six months later as it was the day you met, you probably have the basis of a long-term relationship. Romantic attraction does not wane over time. When you have the real thing, nothing can or will make it go away. Unhappy experiences or frustration or disappointment can squeeze romantic attraction down for a period of time, but romantic attraction can always be restored with caring attention.

Don’t compare!

When you’re always comparing yourself to others, belittling yourself or measuring yourself and other people against each other, it makes you into a very uptight and often unpleasant person. People can sense the struggle, the tension, and it makes it difficult for them to be around you. It’s difficult for others to see you as attractive if you’re always tearing yourself down. It’s difficult for others to feel comfortable around you if you feel so uncomfortable about yourself. If you’d lighten up and not worry about it so much, if you’d focus on other things and other people and stop worrying about how people perceive you, you’ll probably find that they’ll perceive that you’re a great person and love you for being you.                     
Sometimes you try so hard to be a certain way because you think that’s what people want to see or what will be more pleasing to Me. The truth is, though, that  what others love about you most is what you really are inside–not what you’re trying to be or wishing you could be. When you drop any false fronts and just accept the way you are and decide you’re happy with it, you really will become happy with it. Others will love you for it too!

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Deeply beautiful!

1. The pure, the bright, the beautiful
That stirred our hearts in youth,
The moments spent in wordless prayer,
The streams of love and truth,
The longing after something lost,
The spirit’s yearning cry,
The striving after better hopes–
These things can never die.

The timid hand stretched forth to aid
A brother in his need;
A kindly word in grief’s dark hour
That proves a friend indeed;
The plea for mercy softly breathed,
When justice threatens high,
The sorrow of a contrite heart–
These things shall never die.

Let nothing pass, for every hand
Must find some work to do,
Lose not a chance to waken love–
Be firm and just and true.
So shall a light that cannot fade
Beam on thee from on high,
And angel voices say to thee–
“These things shall never die.”
–Charles Dickens, 1812-1870

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What is beautiful is good, and who is good will soon also be beautiful.

Love is a great beautifier.

Curran, speaking of Madame de Stael who was by no means beautiful, but a splendid conversationalist, said she “had the power of talking herself into beauty.”

The World is full of beauty when the heart is full of Love.

That person who is striking & beautiful is not always good, but that person who is good is always beautiful.

What is beauty?—Not the show
Of shapely limbs & features.—No;
These are but flowers
That have their dated hours,
To breathe their momentary sweets & go.
‘Tis the stainless soul within
That outshines the fairest skin.

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

In architecture, the beauty is in the line & design. In painting, it is the form & colour. In works of fine art, it is the craftsmanship. Possession of these things brings pleasure to some, but the real joy comes from the enjoyment of their beauty.

There is only one kind of beauty that can transcend time, and many women possess it. It is, of course, beauty of the spirit that lights the eyes and transforms even a plain woman into a beautiful one. Women with wit, charm, and warmth, who are interested in others and forget themselves, and who accept each stage of life gracefully, are the lasting beauties of this World—and the happiest.

Beauty is spirit-deep.

Beauty is a gift of God.—Aristotle

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Reclaim your sexy self
By Carol M. Wallace, Parents magazine
Motherhood, it seems, often changes the way we feel about sex and about our bodies. Nearly three quarters of the 2,500 women surveyed in a recent poll reported feeling less physically attractive since they’d become mothers. Not that their husbands were turned off-far from it! Sixty-five percent were confident that their mates still found them attractive. But, as we all know, it takes two to tango.
An important component of feeling sexy is liking your body. It’s hard to want someone to touch and kiss you when you feel unattractive. We can put a lot of the blame for that attitude on popular culture. The sexual images we see on television and in the movies tend to be of women who are taut and tight. Consequently, there is a gap between how we see ourselves and what we see as ideal. And that gap is at the root of most body-image problems.
There probably isn’t a female who feels 100% satisfied with her body. If it’s not her weight, it’s her feet or freckled skin or frizzy hair that drives her crazy. But there are plenty of women of all shapes and sizes who appreciate their own allure-and they have a lot to teach us.
If you want to reclaim your sexy self, the fundamental goal is to change the way you think about your body. This is not going to happen overnight. Learning to hate the way you look took a long time; unlearning it may be an even longer process. But you can improve your self-image by acquiring some new, positive habits.
Here, a four-step plan to feeling better about the way you look.
1. Stop focusing on your flaws. We’ve all seen women stand in front of a mirror and poke at themselves. They don’t look at the whole woman with the shiny hair and the beautiful smile and the expressive hands. They see only the body part they hate: the thick thighs, the drooping rear end, the flabby belly.
If you’re one of those women, force yourself to counter negative thoughts with positive ones. Tell yourself, “I have really nice skin,” or, “My shoulders are incredibly sexy.” (If you can’t do it, advises Ruth Luchtenberg, a mother of three from California, “then cover the mirror.”)
Granted, it isn’t easy to celebrate our good features. We’re afraid we’ll sound vain. But when you hear someone say, “I have good legs, so I wear short skirts,” you realize she doesn’t sound arrogant-just confident.
What’s more, when people compliment you, pay attention! Repeat the compliment to yourself. Don’t downplay or dismiss it. Why should your own negative voice be louder than the positive voice of a friend?

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Outer beauty will only attract a man’s eye, but inner beauty will keep his heart .

What is inner beauty, though?

Here is an interesting list made by Gary Smalley, in his book “For Better or for Best”:
1. Courage: The inner commitment to pursue a worthwhile goal without giving up hope.

2. Persistence: Continuing to pursue a goal until it is achieved.

3. Gratefulness: A sincere appreciation for the benefits received from others.

4. Calmness: An inner peace that allows you to respond quietly to a stressful situation without fear.

5. Gentleness: Showing tender consideration for the feelings of another.

6. Genuine Love: Meeting the needs of another, prior to your own personal needs being met.

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Just how important is physical apperance in the mating game?

Of course, especially for the initial contact, looks are a great starter! If you happen to be a woman with a breath-taking appearance, you will easily find men attracted to you!

Yet, as trite as it may sound, your ability to arouse passion is determined by inner qualities.  In the long run,  how to keep a mate interested is a matter of soul.

The better you feel about yourself, the better your relationships will be.

“Our ideas about ourselves–and the world– are contagious. When we are feeling good and are convinced that we are unbeatable, we somehow manage to convince everyone else as well.”   (Elaine Walster)